I'm holding on, by letting go of you

Munching tidbits with Sis. She's having exams during the same period as me. We're mugging. Hunny bought Daughtry's album. Super nice! I'm contemplating to get All-American-Reject's album.

Hunny left for Madrid on Thursday night. He kept repeating and nagging that i will take care of myself when he's not around. Heh. Upon reaching Amsterdam to take transit flight, he sent me a msg and called me upon reaching Madrid.

I wanna go SHOPPING!!! For...
1) New Flats
2) Nice Dress
3) Fossil analogue watch
4) New Jeans
5) "Bling Bling" Pullover from PULL and BEAR

After yesterday, I've decided i wanna have a whole new look at my life. I wanna change my perspectives about many things. Positively. I wanna treat hunny better, I wanna spend more time with my Mei Mei, I wanna pei my mom more often.

Disgusted to the core --

I just read that blog.

"Your skin against my skin."
- Puke -

Disgusting, i can't imagine.

I knew things happened when she stayed over.
I'm not interested to know more.
Fullstop.

Sometime ago

Hi there! Been some time alr.. Hmmm.. Last wed went to meet Boon's mum. She seems fine to me, so (Jennifer and Boon) don't be too worried ya.. Auntie is all about cheerful, much happier person now.

Last wed, had a long chat with Boon's mum.. For almost abt 2.5hrs! haha.. We had so much things to talk about. We chat from Jennifer's well-being at UK to Steph's return to SG and also Boon's stay at Switz. It's all great. Auntie still dotes on me alot, really. She bought me lunch at Ichiban - Sashimis! I learnt alot and picked up many things from Auntie. She can be a good mentor if you know how to appreciate her knowledge. Hope to learn more from her in future.

Anyway, life's still pretty much the same. It's all abt mugging. Haven really got much rest aft the project period is over. I swear i'll give myself a couple of days break before i head on for vacation job.
And most importantly, i'm still passionate about me and my life.

It's a boring mugging time...

It's the 3rd day of the week. We are all supposed to be mugging. But "Sigh", I'm still doing notes.
Exams start on the 27th April, kinda worried that i wouldn't be able to complete my revision. i'm aiming to finish everything(notes) by today. So stressed up man.
Later, I'll be meeting Boon's mom for lunch. "HIPPEE!!" -- She's like my 'Gan Ma'
whahahah.
Anw, to all that are mugging out there, Jia You!!!!!!!

It's all over.

We're ok already. Back to normal. T-Rex sort of made it up to me.
And regarding the bottle issue, he said:

" It's ok if you lost it dear. It's just a bottle, can always buy again.
Just like how when we have hiccups, we can always make up to each other again.
The most important thing is we love each other. Love ya :) "

Enuf said and done.

My buddy faces some R/S probs. It's kinda affecting me too. I wonder she's really coping well.
Cus i know, if she faces any problem, she can always turn to me. Where friendship is the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love. And a note above all, I miss Ignitions so much!

Love.

Baby-Sit me

When i'm writing this blog, i can still feel the heartache.

We had a tiff last night. I wanted to tell him that i needed his attention, his care and concern. But instead, i told him that he neglected me. He wasn't too happy abt it. He told me that he sometimes feel like he's baby-sitting me. WTH. I dunno y he made such a comment. He won't say wat he doesn't feel. So i guess it's true. He just bombarded me with the fact that we're yrs apart. For a moment, i felt so lost. He didn't lose his temper or anything, but he didnt had to be that harsh. That comment is still ringing in my ears. I just cant understand y he can feel like one when he isn't even one.

All i needed was someone to show that he care for me, not just contacting me for the sake of it, or when he feels like it. When ever he called, he'll rattle on abt his work. Ask me how i'm doing, but as a matter of fact, i dunno how i can describe to him over the phone many times. I don't need him to understand everything that i'm facing, all i need is his care. I needed someone to tell me how much he loves me and so on. His msgs are forever that curt and short. Length barely enuf to make up into one full sentence.

I don't mind going to the doctor with hm,
I don't mind catchin his favourite movie with him,
I don't mind shopping for his clothes with him,
I don't even mind not doing anything with him.
It's the quality of time that matters.
My boyfriend made me feel so lousy of myself. Mayb i'm just the way he's described.

One Fateful Day

Today is such a bad bad bad day.

Put on my formal wear,
Slipped on my heels,
Happily headed for school.
Reached the bus stop, sat down to catch my breath.
Felt my bag's pocket, "Shirks! forgot abt my PHONE!"

Hurriedly walked back home again,
Got my phone and walked back to bus stop.
-Sweating like a dog-

Finally got on bus aft 10 mins of waiting,
sat down.
Felt dripping on my ankles...
"Damn. It came from my bag."
SIGG wasnt' capped properly,
Half-filled bottle went empty.
My bag looked like an "Underwater world"
-Just that there're no fishes"

Told T-Rex,
He was so curt with his replies,
asked me not to be too affected by it.
FULLSTOP.
"What was i thinkin?"
I thought i wasnt being cared for.

In the evening, Ting and i went to get dinner for Ignitions.
Brought my SIGG along to get it filled.
After some time after dinner, wanted to reach for my SIGG,
Only realised that it's missing.
Searched high and low for it. But cant' find. Everyone sort of hunted for it.
I was lookin everywhere frantically for it. I rushed back to cafeteria to look for it.
Nope, couldnt find. And canteen was almost closing. i felt so anxious.
Untill Jess went to look for it with me in the canteen, i finally found it.
More than elated to hold it in my hands again. I even felt like crying to get it back.
Its then i realised, this 'SIGG' is important to me. I can't seem to loose it.

Project ended late. Till 11 i guess,but i went off at 10.30pm+
I really wished T-Rex would gimme a lift. But he didnt offer. at all.
How can i even request that of him? I jolly well knows he's had a long day at work.
Even if he'd offered, i would have turned him down.
I guess all that i wanted was to know that he had the intention of wanting to drive me back.
He did ask me to take a cabbie home, and he'll reimburse me. But i didnt want to take cab.
From Bkt Timah to home will not be cheap. Anyway, i'll be ok taking bus. Nothing can happen.
Then he sounded pissed over the phone, and went to bed shortly aft we hung up.
I wonder how can he be so insensitive.. I merely wanted to know that he will want to give his gf a lift back. (even thou it'd be a long trip) And as his gf, if he offered, i would have turned it down to know that he's tired and need more rest. But somehow, i thought it is the thoughts that count.
I wonder why i feel the heartache when i assured him that i couldn't care less.
Sometimes i wonder if i'm doing enough for the R/S in the first place.
Am i comparing? Cus Boon will drive me back no matter how far, how inconvenient, how long that journey is.

-stupid me-

Boon chatted with me awhile ago, and now he's heading for his dinner (swiss evening time). Sometimes he makes me feel like we're back to the past, chatting like normal. But sometimes, topics get heavy, and the atmosphere changed to a sad one.

I don't know if he's feeling lonely there, does he has frens to tell his worries to.

I don't know if he's feeling unwell, does he know where to seek help.

Half the time his gf mus be cursing me, my ears feel itchy. (Must be)

This is our picture taken during the mugging days tgt. - A levels!!! -

Met T-Rex on saturday evening aft proj meet in sch - headed to the city straight after that. He wanted to get a luggage for coming Madrid trip, so we went around Taka hunting for one.
Actually wanted to get something for myself, "Retail-Therapy" - But don't see any good stuff leh. T-Rex and I then went Coffee Bean for a drink and shared a mud-pie, while we waited for time to pass (movie is at 9.50pm - The number 23).

It's quite a heavy-hearted movie in a sense that there are alot of mysteries that made me kept searching for a logic inside my brain. But all are only unraveled at the end of the show.



Sunday morning met T-Rex again - Doing proj at his place, utillising his home connection (heh). We had lunch at AMK block 626 market. Quite a crowded place: Good food & Good company.
T-Rex was watching his SCV whole time at home, while i did my proj, T-Rex also ironed his shirts and pants for the upcoming week work. Very hardworking. Very independent. But he'll give that very "sian" look.
Talked to boon in the aftnoon and night after diner with T-Rex and his mom downstairs. (So full)
I told T-Rex,
"See, he's also telling me to drink more water.. Like you hor?"
"Ya, now you've got 2 boyfriends lo"
T-Rex jus made a comment like that, but didnt say much la. Haha. Shortly after, he gave me a ride home as it was getting late.

-- That's my wkend --